16-year-old Paige Brewer ran away from her mother’s rural Minnesota home six months ago. According to Minneapolis’ City Pages, Paige was living with her grandmother when she met the Impaler on a vampire comment board last month. After a whirlwind cyber romance, Sharkey proposed with a YouTube video in which he shows off his Wiccan tats in what appears to be a Valentine-themed corner of a daycare center, with the love ballad from Beauty and the Beast straining softly in the background.
Paige said “YES!!!” and Jonathon flew to Minnesota to gather his child bride on Valentine’s Day. Then they went into hiding—but continued to maintain avid correspondences with City Pages, MySpace fans, and vampire forums.
Classified an “endangered runaway,” Paige rechristened herself “Paige Sharkey” and announced she would seek emancipation from her mother. “Screw off,” she told City Pages in an interview. “I bit him first. Let me live my life.” The Impaler said he was protecting his bride from those who would inflict “child abuse” upon her, like her mother. Here’s a video where the Impaler accuses Jill Moen of being an abusive, drug-addicted stripper. He demonstrates how he will avenge his beloved: “I LIKE TO PUNCH.”
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